Cambridge Police Profiling Still A Grim Reality for Harvard Faculty Assholes

Iowahawk once again turns over his pulpit to a wronged American who wants to share his pain with the people, the pain and humiliation he experiences everyday as an Asshole at Harvard:

When I first learned of the arrest of my colleague Professor Henry Louis “Skip” Gates after he stood up to the fascist jackboots of a declasse, ill-educated Cambridge police officer, I was of course angered — but scarcely shocked. L’Affaire Gates simply aired, in public, the dirty 100-thread-count table linen of an American culture where Harvard faculty assholes still face a daily struggle against profiling, abuse, and insolence.

It will come as no surprise that Skip’s arrest was the talk of the Douchebag Room at the Harvard Faculty Club last Friday. I and a group of colleagues had assembled for our weekly lunch; I opted for their competently-prepared Ahi Tuna Tartare and an amusing glass of ’05 Hospices de Beaune Premier Cru Cuvee Cyrot-Chaudron. I had noticed that the Franz Fanon Memorial Booth — Skip’s long-reserved lunch spot — was uncharacteristically empty, and asked our waiter Sergio for an explanation.

“Professor Skeep, he no is come today,” said Sergio. “I tink he is in the jail.”

Our table exchanged knowing glances, for we knew immediately that Skip was only the latest victim of a system that singles out the Harvard faculty asshole for stigmatization and unequal justice. It is a system that all of us knew too well, and provided an opportunity for an open conversation about our shared experiences as Harvard faculty assholes in America while waiting for Sergio to bring the dessert cart.

Read the whole thing. It’s a sad, tragic tale, and one can only hope this great nation will unite to fight for the rights of academic assholes everywhere.

Rolling on the floor

6 Responses to Cambridge Police Profiling Still A Grim Reality for Harvard Faculty Assholes

  1. 247things says:

    The dreaded Harvard faculty assholes in America are definitely a force to be reckoned with. Their elitism is second only to the dreaded University of California-Berkley faculty assholes. I wonder what would happen if two Harvard faculty assholes collided. Would this create some form of anti-matter?

  2. Pollhater says:

    Berkley? Please. Everyone knows Harvard is tops in every category.

    In the Boston Globe they had an article which said you couldn’t hear Gates being rowdy in the background. I dunno… I could hear him just fine.

    No matter what, though, the police shouldn’t arrest you for being an asshole in your own home. That’s really disturbing (and another good reason not to live in Cambridge).

  3. I like Pollhater.

  4. Maybe I should moderate that last statement: I like what Pollhater says. No need to create a frenzied response.

    • Pollhater says:

      Homer: So, Mr. Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we’ll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.

      Bart: Teamwork is overrated.

      Homer: Huh?

      Bart: Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows.

      Lisa+Marge: Yankees.

      Bart: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what’s all this crap I’ve been hearing about tolerance?

      Homer: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  5. excuzemoi says:

    Assholes, not snots? How hoi polloi, I thought they fashioned themselves elitists.

%d bloggers like this: