The Struggle Is Real: Federal government studying “cancer inequality”

mitchells-first-theorem-of-government

We obviously need government rules regulating the presence of 7-11s near same sex couples, or something:

The federal government is spending over $33,000 to figure out whether same-sex couples live closer to tobacco retailers, theoretically making them more likely to smoke.

A National Institutes of Health (NIH) project, entitled, “Relationship Between Tobacco Retailer Density and Sexual Minority Couples,” reasons that since many gay and lesbian couples live in cities, they may be close to stores that sell cigarettes, such as 7 Elevens.

“Tobacco use is substantially higher among sexual minorities than among heterosexuals,” the grant states. “The reasons for this persistent disparity remain unclear, but the high toll of death and disability from tobacco use creates substantial health inequalities in cancer.”

In other words, because same-sex couples tend to congregate in urban areas, and because urban areas have higher concentrations of shops that sell cigarettes, and because homosexuals apparently smoke more than heterosexuals, there may be a relationship to higher rates of cancer among gays and lesbians.

Let me save the government thirty-three thousand taxpayer dollars: it’s called “temptation.” The density of tobacco vendors in an urban environment is the same for everyone dwelling in it; if gays and lesbians are suffering higher rates of cancer, it’s because they’re giving in to it and haven’t quit smoking at the same rate as straights. Hence the higher rates of cancer. Solution: stop smoking. Like any addiction, it’s tough, but it can be done.

But that requires individual initiative, personal responsibility, and doesn’t require government.

Can’t have that.

Instead we needed a government study into the dilemma of “cancer inequality.” Next should come the declaration of a victim group whose rights are being violated, followed by new FDA regulations.

And more taxpayer-funded welfare for researchers and bureaucrats.

(Graphic courtesy of Dan Mitchell)

3 Responses to The Struggle Is Real: Federal government studying “cancer inequality”

  1. Lori says:

    This one is so absurd. I’m speechless.

  2. […] The Struggle Is Real: Federal government studying “cancer inequality” […]

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