Good Lord. The @NYTimes must be terrified of Marco Rubio

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Greatest. Monster. In. History.

They apparently sent a crack (or is it “cracked”) investigative team out to look into the dark corners of Senator Rubio’s past to see what shameful secrets lurked within. What did they find? I… I almost can’t utter the words. Brace yourself, America.

Marco Rubio and his wife have speeding tickets!!! (Pardon me while I weep in hysteria)

According to a search of the Miami-Dade and Duval County court dockets, the Rubios have been cited for numerous infractions over the years for incidents that included speeding, driving through red lights and careless driving. A review of records dating back to 1997 shows that the couple had a combined 17 citations: Mr. Rubio with four and his wife with 13. On four separate occasions they agreed to attend remedial driving school after a violation.

Mr. Rubio’s troubles behind the wheel predate his days in politics. In 1997, when he was cited for careless driving by a Florida Highway Patrol officer, he was fined and took voluntary driving classes. A dozen years later, in 2009, he was ticketed for speeding on a highway in Duval County and found himself back in driver improvement school.

Things got more complicated in 2011 when Mr. Rubio was alerted to the fact that his license was facing suspension after a traffic camera caught him failing to stop at a red light in his beige Buick. His lawyer, Alex Hanna, paid a $16 fee to delay the suspension and eventually it was dismissed.

Yes, it’s true my friends: the race is over. Done. He has to withdraw now. Marco Rubio and his wife have a shared lead foot! Oh, the horror! I’m so glad the Times devoted the full weight of their journalistic prowess to uncover this scandal.

Like I said: Rubio must scare the tar out of the Times’ editors, if they’re desperate enough to run with this. Considering what the press did to Sarah Palin, I hope he has locks on his garbage cans.

Via Henry Gomez, who also relates the sordid story of the Rubio refrigerator.

Really.

One Response to Good Lord. The @NYTimes must be terrified of Marco Rubio

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